good girls

Majority of girls improve their looks, NOT their minds. Because they know that some boys are stupid, not blind.

"It's amazing how someone can break your heart
and you can still love them with all the little pieces."

‎"We ignore our friends and families so we can save other people's friends and families. Which means that, at the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that."

colles fracture

I introduce you to colle's fracture!
a transverse fracture of the distal radius.

and of course my succesful traction and splinting.

I really hope it will heal perfectly.

I think i just found my passion in orthopedic surgery.

Ecclesisastes 1 :12-18

12 I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem.

13 I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men!

14 I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

15 What is twisted cannot be straightened;
what is lacking cannot be counted.

16 I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge."

17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.

18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow;
the more knowledge, the more grief.

God heed my cries

This is easter time and i've passed a long way since the easter bunny and egg hunting and coloring. This year has been a very depressing year for me and so just like any mere human..or a jerk.. i turn to God.

but the first question i asked my self is how can i find God?

don't get me wrong..i'm no hypocrites, and i know exactly why God stopped talking to me even in my deepest solitude. i can't find God because the almighty decided not to talk to me no more.

So i decided this year that i will try to aced the duty of fasting and abstinence as best as i could. Usually in catholic the fasting is done in different ways than the moslem fasting. It's only mandatory in ash wednesday and good friday, the rest of the fridays are abstinence mandatory only and not fasting.

the rules are simple but hard at the same time.."avoid pleasure, and eat a full course meal once a day" that's the rule no less, no more.

why is it simple? because there's not much rule in it, but the interesting part is that why is it hard? because there are many weakness in that simple rule and may give room to the biggest,hardest,toughest, meanest enemy of men..our heart.

sure I can always do it the simple way like most people do like don't eat any meat(you can narrow it down to beef,pork and chicken so that fish is still legal or shrimp or whatever) and eat a full course meal once per 24 hours but with snack every once in a while. And no it's not cheating because the rules don't say so..but sometimes people forgot that there's nobody in this world can judge your fasting and abstinence but yourself. I used to do it just like that..but not this year..this year i'm trying to hear the "rules" made by my awareness.

I decided to go a little extreme by fasting every wednesday and friday and i don't eat any meat in any form just rice and vegetables..or in somedays i only eat rice and instant noodles once a day. I don't drink any other than water. I dont eat snacks in anyform (chocolate,peanuts,candy etc). and you know what I haven't found what i'm looking for..but i found something else..

I found that my mind is treacherous and my heart is rebellious.

During fasting and abstinence, sometimes you loose control of yourself..i think it's because of the hypoglycemic state plus the pain in hypogastric area because of gastric ulcer (i'm pretty sure that my stomach is ulcerated because of this).

I shit you not, I can actually hear treacherous voices inside my head that's telling me to eat a little snack..because it's not against the "rules", or voices that tells me to give up..or voices that tells me that i'm stupid for torturing myself like this..i actually did hold a candy or a chocolate bar while thinking of this.. and consider to "bend" the rules..the voices won't stop even during the break of the fast..there's still voices that tells me that after fasting i deserve a little meat as a reward.

But aside from the voices, i feel like somehow i can feel a little of God's presence that my heart had long for sometimes.

the pain in a way makes me more aware..I realize that humans are a weak being..and we're so far apart from God in many ways because of our heart and mind who are tainted by this world pleasures..and as crazy and pathetic as it sounds by denying myself like this i hope God someday will have mercy on me and finally talked to me again like he used to in my prayers or in my state of solitude.

but there's still a week to go so fingers crossed. (>_<)

So7

the music kinda sucks..but the lyrics is somewhat true for me right now..she's probably asking the same thing right now..and i still hope that she'll make the right decision for her.. and here's my first post writen in bahasa indonesia.


Seberapa pantaskah kau untuk ku tunggu?
Cukup indahkah dirimu untuk selalu ku nantikan?
Mampukan kau hadir dalam setiap mimpi burukku?
Mampukah kita bertahan di saat kita jauh..?

Seberapa hebat kau 'tuk ku banggakan?
Cukup tangguhkah dirimu untuk selalu ku andalkan?
Mampukan kau bertahan dengan hidupku yang malang?
Sanggupkah kau menyakinkan di saat aku bimbang..

Celakanya...
Hanya kaulah yang benar-benar aku tunggu,
Hanya kaulah yang benar-benar memahamiku,
Kau pergi dan hilang ke mana pun kau suka

Celakanya...
Hanya kaulah yang pantas untuk kubanggakan,
Hanya kaulah yang sanggup untuk aku andalkan,
Di antara pedih aku slalu menantimu..

Seberapa hebat kau 'tuk kubanggakan?
Cukup tangguhkah dirimu untuk selalu ku andalkan?
Mampukah kau bertahan dengan hidup ku yang malang?
Sanggupkah kau menyakinkan di saat aku bimbang?

Mungkin kini kau t'lah menghilang tanpa jejak,
Mengubur semua indah kenangan,
Tapi aku slalu menunggumu di sini,
Bila saja kau berubah pikiran